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It’s been a long time since I watched TV, but apparently Rosie O’Donnell is on The View now. As if The View wasn’t already horrifying enough. But that’s beside the point, because Rosie has been talking trash about everybody’s favorite vagina flashing drunken celebrity slut Lindsay Lohan. Rosie bashes Lohan for being drunk and for showing up late to work. I think Willam H. Macy busted Lindsay on this as well. But here’s what Rosie had to say to OK Magazine…

"[Lindsay’s behavior on her latest film] was unacceptable. It’s not like she was doing Dumb & Dumber 2. It’s a Jane Fonda movie! Be early! I saw [Lohan] stumbling around a club drunk [once] and her mother was going ‘She’s all right!’ I can say this from experience: It’s hard to be famous, and she’s not doing it well at this point. But she’ll get into rehab, take care of the eating disorder, and be all better in two years and have a huge comeback."

Lindsay needs to get her act together, but the thought of her headlining Dumb and Dumber 2 does have a certain appeal.

Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Rosie O’Donnell, firecrotch

And suddenly… life is worth living again. The first photo we’ve seen from the upcoming comedy FANBOYS. That’s right, Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) dressed up as Princess Leia in the slave bikini. I don’t care how much this movie might suck, I’m so fucking there on opening day!

Tags: Kristen Bell, bikini, Princess Leia, slave, Veronica Mars

Just about everyday, somebody is asking me why I’m not on MySpace. Let’s overlook the fact for a moment that I am too old to spend time on MySpace - contrary to popular belief, I am not attracted to underage girls. Don’t you idiots realize that MySpace is fucking lame? Here are the first 7 reasons I can think of:

1. The MySpace pages are a visual and audio assault on the senses. Looking at a MySpace page is like looking at a webpage from 1997 complete with music that blares out of your speakers whether you want it to or not. 
2. MySpace is owned by Rupert Murdoch - one of the most ruthless and evil men in the world - who probably has a secret team of super-intelligent geek data harvesters who are analyzing your every move and sending the data to the CIA.
3. The hot girls that are all over MySpace. Okay, losers, it’s time to get a clue. Those are fake pictures and fake profiles designed by 14 year old web marketing masterminds who are adding you as a friend so they can Spam you with affiliate marketing offers.
4. It’s all advertising disguised as some kind of technological substitute for personal interaction. Bands were the first ones to clue in on the power of MySpace for marketing, but now, just about everything on MySpace is some sort of advertising. Stores, restaurants and even Hollywood movies have a MySpace profile and they all want to be your new "friend."
5. It makes losers with 70,000 "friends" think they have an actual possibility of getting laid.
6. MySpace users think that they are part of some kind of cool new thing when MySpace is first of all a complete rip-off of Friendster but it’s even more calculated and evil and not some kind of grassroots thing at all.
7. All you musicans, artists, filmmakers etc. should carefully read the "Terms and Conditions" you agree to when you sign up for MySpace. Basically… Rupert Murdoch owns your ass.

If you want to know the real story behind MySpace, check out this article from ValleyWag. Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp threatened the original publisher of this piece, but luckily ValleyWag picked it up. Here’s a clip. You should  really read the whole thing.

Most users believe that MySpace started as some kind of fluke–a happy accident that began in Anderson’s bedroom or garage–and many still don’t wonder, know, or care about the site’s real business history and model. Heralded as a haven of DIY self-expression, MySpace was actually created by executives whose backgrounds are anchored in spam and mass marketing, and who are tied to investment scandals. With his almost alternateen good looks, Tom Anderson has served as an exceptionally convincing distraction. The PR campaign is one of MySpace’s two strokes of genius, brilliant, but not groundbreaking.

The real genius of MySpace lies in it’s re-imagining and repackaging of spam. While most internet users expend time and energy attempting to keep it out, MySpace is spam that they actually invite in.

Tags: MySpace, Rupert Murdoch, evil

Jessica Simpson has a new haircut. It looks like she is going for something that will make her look a little more smart and sophisticated. Her daddy needs to pound it through her skull that she needs to stick to the long hair and the Daisy Dukes for as long as she can pull that shit off. Her hair doesn’t look bad, but it looks like it belongs on a different head. Thoughts?

Tags: Jessica Simpson, haircut

The spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is on the cover of the new Vanity Fair. Every other celebrity related site on the internet posted about this. So why shouldn’t we? Several reasons:

There’s no beat-off material - unless you are a truly sick fucker, as opposed to the good old fashioned american perverts who normally read this site.

Tom Cruise made Katie Holmes unsexy. It seemed like an impossible task, but Tom somehow pulled it off.

This whole TomKat story is just flat out creepy.

The baby is actually pretty cute. It also looks like it is actually the spawn of those two, as opposed to some hired baby. After seeing this photo, I actually believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had sex.

Enough said.

Lindsey Lohan showed her pussy today. Maybe. A few Lindsey Lohan upskirt pussy shots hit the internet today and threatened to burn the whole thing down. Why do you people care about Lindsey Lohan? Let alone Lindsey Lohan’s pussy? These photos have already been disproved as fakes. But, there is something that is even scarier about this whole situation. Somewhere in the world, an alienated loser squinted at his computer screen for hours, photoshopping a vagina on Lindsey Lohan. I’m already worried about America going down, so hopefully  whoever doctored these was from Japan or something.

Tags: Lindsay Lohan vagina, Lindsey Lohan, upskirt

Here are some bikini photos of Kristen Cavallari. Since I don’t have cable, I don’t really know who the hell she is. Apparently she is a reality TV star from a show on Mtv called Laguna Beach. All I know is… based on these photos… she is pretty hot. Okay, she’s hot enough to get me interested enough to check out her credits. Kristen Cavallari got started out on Laguna Beach, which is subtitled: The Real O.C. Since then, she’s made guest appearances on Veronica Mars and is apparently about to be in a few movies. Bottom line: I would.

Tags: Kristen Cavallari, Veronica Mars, Laguna Beach, bikini, bikini photos

It’s been awhile since we got all stalker-ish on hot female celebrities, but summer is almost over and we need to squeeze in as much bikini-razzi action as we can. Today’s installment is the ever hot Charlize Theron. I’ve been crazy about Charlize since she scorched the screen in Two Days in the Valley. She was pretty good in Mighty Joe Young, too. But she is busy making herself ugly and trying to be a serious actress. So since beggars can’t be choosers, let’s just enjoy these bikini photos.

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A member of our forums mentioned that he was sick of seeing scrawny girls like Lindsey Lohan and Mischa Barton and issued a request for Diora Baird. I have indeed been asleep at the wheel, because Diora is a fresh face for me - but I will definitely be paying attention.

Diora Baird started out as a model for Guess? clothing before really getting the attention of America with her nude scene in the Wedding Crashers and her nude pictorial in Playboy magazine. She will next be seen in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.

Check out the Diora Baird Photo Gallery!

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As if things weren’t already tough enough for our fighting men, now they have crashed a helicopter because they saw Kate Hudson in a bikini. Apparently, they were using top secret military technology to try to see if she actually has breasts or not. Based on this photo, you can see they definitely had their work cut out for them.

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